No trace



Ia-mi eu-ul si pune-l pe o scena, indreapta spre el un far luminos si desmiarda-l.
Am cautat in sertarele tale sa vad daca ti-am atins in vreun fel existenta
Daca felul meu de a vorbi, zambi, rade, manca, dormi, scrie, gandi te-a facut sa te gandesti la mine in timpul tau liber, in noaptea ta calda sau in zilele tale reci.
Decat sa te uiti la mine si sa nu ma vezi mai bine sa inchizi ochii, sau sa nu ma mai las privita.
Tuturor ne place sa stim ca prezenta noastra nu lasa pe cel de langa noi indiferent.
Mai ales daca prezenta mi-a fost intensa,
Dezbracata.

Acasa

Aici timpul sta in loc, si lumea imbatraneste si muscatile sunt in floare, si mancarea e ca la mama acasa.

Ni al principio, ni al final


Si tú me olvidas

Quiero que sepas
una cosa.

Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe,
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.


Ahora bien,
si poco a poco dejas de quererme
dejaré de quererte poco a poco.


Si de pronto
me olvidas
no me busques,
que ya te habré olvidado.


Si consideras largo y loco
el viento de banderas
que pasa por mi vida
y te decides
a dejarme a la orilla
del corazón en que tengo raíces,
piensa
que en ese día,
a esa hora
levantaré los brazos
y saldrán mis raíces
a buscar otra tierra.


Pero
si cada día,
cada hora
sientes que a mí estás destinada
con dulzura implacable.
Si cada día sube
una flor a tus labios a buscarme,
ay amor mío, ay mía,
en mí todo ese fuego se repite,
en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,
mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,
y mientras vivas estará en tus brazos
sin salir de los míos.

Home sweet home



Casa mea e vesela si cocheta.
Ca mine

Things in common


"Şi motanul toarce-n sobă de blazat ce-i. - Măi motane,
Vino-ncoa să stăm de vorbă, unice amic şi ornic.
De-ar fi-n lume-un sat de mâţe, zău! că-n el te-aş pune vornic,
Ca să ştii şi tu odată boieria ce-i, sărmane!

Oare ce gândeşte hâtrul de stă ghem şi toarce-ntruna?
Ce idei se-nşiră dulce în mâţeasca-i fantazie?
Vreo cucoană cu-albă blană cu amoru-i îl îmbie,
Rendez-vous i-a dat în şură, ori în pod, în găvăună?

De-ar fi-n lume numai mâţe - tot poet aş fi? "

M. Eminescu

I am fine


I won’t just survive
Oh, you will see me thrive
Can’t write my story
I’m beyond the archetype

I won’t just conform
No matter how you shake my core
‘Cause my roots they run deep, oh

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don’t doubt it, don’t doubt it
Victory is in my veins
I know it, I know it
And I will not negotiate
I’ll fight it, I’ll fight it
I will transform

When, when the fire’s at my feet again
And the vultures all start circling
They’re whispering, "You’re out of time”
But still I rise

This is no mistake, no accident
When you think the final nail is in
Think again
Don’t be surprised
I will still rise

I must stay conscious
Through the madness and chaos
So I call on my angels
They say

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don’t doubt it, don’t doubt it
Victory is in your veins
You know it, you know it
And you will not negotiate
Just fight it, just fight it
And be transformed

‘Cause when, when the fire’s at my feet again
And the vultures all start circling
They’re whispering, "You’re out of time”
But still I rise

This is no mistake, no accident
When you think the final nail is in
Think again
Don’t be surprised
I will still rise

Don’t doubt it, don’t doubt it
Oh, oh, oh, oh
You know it, you know it
Still rise
Just fight it, just fight it
Don’t be surprised
I will still rise

I envy you, but I don´t wanna be you


Whenever something happens and other people are witnesses to your life they have a reaction, asked for or not. And that´s OK, I, myself have my own reactions and thoughts, and I do tend to express my opinions, asked for or not. 

I am a proud person, I even heard about myself that I may look like an annoying know-it-all and that "she thinks she´s such a smart ass". Well, if they are not calling me "fat ass" or "ugly" I´m OK with that. I´ve been called worse :))

But I don´t have it all figured out. Actually these days my voice in my cute little head was the quietest of them all, and I have all these opinions and thoughts and interpretations of what other people think life is all about, love is all about, people are all about, religion is all about, family is all about, business is all about. 

See, I cannot reach any conclusions like these people have. I envy how they can be so sure of their absolute truths, my truths are so dependent on today, on my hormone levels, on the time of the month, on everything. I can be logical and tough for like one hour and a half and I can be forgiving of all mankind in the next half an hour. 

I can´t decide if I want to be a white angel or a black angel, or if I wanna be an angel, or if I believe in angels at all. And then these people -some of which I love and some of which I don´t even care about, and some of which proved being more than I ever expected from them- anyhow, these people seem to have crossed that conclusions line. They even make predictions about the future based on their absolute conclusions, and they are so sure about them that I may even buy that for a few minutes. And then their certainty fades away and I go back to my self. 

I cannot decide my final conclusions in life, not about work, nor about friendship, family, love, hatred, not even about if I wanna have kids or not some day. 

I know life is about choices, and choices, although many times I want to think that it´s not like that, most of my choices are taken based on my feelings, on my emotions, because in the end the heart sets up my brain thoughts. And decisions are so much easier when they come from the heart, not more correct, but who´s to say what´s correct or not. We can say "time will tell", but I don´t think I agree with that either. You know, there is a saying that comes from Heraclitus: "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." Today I may foresee a "time will tell" epiphany, but by when time will have told, it will mean so much less. 

Now listen to what I´m listening. I like the feeling of this song. No focus on the words although they are not bad either. 

Have a great day!

Would you break up with me?



I propose the world to install a new custom: have a break-up party/funeral. Where you dress in black and mourn, and close friends come by, and you put your feelings in a box (casket), with photos, memories and tears
And drink.

And then you go home, and start healing.

Estábamos mal




Nu stiu ce te asteptai de la mine si stiu ca nu o sa aflu niciodata. Pot doar sa presupun ca te feresti de oglinzi si de ganduri pentru ca e mai usor asa. Iti repeti trairi si amintiri intr-o alta tonalitate, distorsionata intr-adevar, ca sa poti sa ai dreptatea, sau justificarea, definitiva.

Mai pot sa presupun ca ai fi vrut o despartire lunga si dramatica, care sa continuie in prietenie, in a avea inca grija de tine si din cand in cand si tu de mine, daca ti-ar fi convenit pe moment, pentru ca de acum cel putin nu mai simteai nici o obligatie, si nu ti-ar fi fost greu sa imi amintesti asta de fiecare data cand nu erai dispus sa fii acolo.

Ce nu te asteptai, cred, era sa iti spun sa te muti mai repede, sa lasi cheile si sa iti iei perna. Sa iti aduni catrafusele si papucii de alergat si sa ma lasi in singuratatea mea.
Iar ceea ce te-a surprins mai tare a fost ca am inchis usa in liniste si pace, te-am lasat sa pleci plecand si eu, fara cearta, fara a arunca nimic in fata, fara a iti cere mai multe explicatii, fara a da vina pe tine, fara nici macar a juca teatru. Oarecum as fi vrut sa iti soptesc ca nu faptele m-au bulversat, ci faptul ca nu mi-am dat seama mai din timp. Greseala mea.

Si astfel despartirea ne-a fost fara ceremonie. Scurt, rapid si la subiect.

La despartirea noastra n-am ramas nici macar noi. Nici nu ne-am uitat bine unul la celalalt ca ne-am si dus, imediat, pe alte carari, ca sa nu pierdem cumva momente pretioase din noua noastra viata. La despartirea noastra au ramas doar spectatorii, vorbind despre ea mai mult decat noi si dand mai multe explicatii decat era nevoie.

Imi pare rau ca nu te-am iubit mai mult. Imi pare rau ca nu am putut sa strig dupa tine, sa strig la tine. Imi pare rau ca nu mi-a venit sa plang de disperare si nu am simtit cum mi se surpa pamantul de sub picioare.
Imi pare rau ca nu m-ai cunoscut asa cum sunt, si ce imi pare cel mai rau e ca vad ca nu te-am cunoscut nici eu pe tine.

About literature and business



The constant struggle between being honest, open and sincere and being professional in business. 

I was giving my final presentation at the end of my Master´s a few years ago and one of my professors' questions was: "What do you think about the Master in general (International Trade)?" 

I had studied language and literature before that year, so this degree was like an introduction to business, to trade. When answering I tried to be professional and honest at the same time. I said, among other things, that Business sometimes makes one question their moral values. As expected, I was asked to elaborate my answer. At this point I was a bit less professional and more honest: Business is not about being transparent and trying to be honest to the client, it's about trying to hide things intentionally to the client or business partners, or banks and make them focus on what you want them to focus. We call it "persuasion" and that´s fancy enough, but it´s more like "manipulation". And as my education has always been based on literature, where we always judge the bad guy and know exactly who was fair and not, who deserved to be pardoned and who didn´t, when getting into the business world you feel like you are the bad guy too often. I looked at my Language teacher and he nodded smiling, he knew what I was talking about, and I looked at my International Management teacher and clearly her face could say: "Well, yeah. That´s business 101, are you telling us that you can´t do that? Then darling, what are you doing here?"

So yes, I struggle between being a good employee for my company, and being a good person. I struggle between being friends with my clients and being professional. One does not always exclude the other, but sometimes they do. That´s when you remember that you were asked if you are a discreet person during your job interview and you said "Yes, I am". Now stick to that. 

You may say: it´ll pass, as soon as you really get into the business world. Well I already have. It´s been almost 2 years since then. And I still judge people and colleagues and bosses like book characters, I still know what´s right and wrong, and sometimes I´m more honest than professional. Sometimes I lose and sometimes I win because of that. Even seeming very honest and personal and sincere, like you´re giving away too much info, is a business strategy somewhere in the book.

Maybe I should go back to wanting to be a teacher. Maybe that´s the right place for idealists like me.

Olvido

Dejar de recordar, y no "no poder recordar". Una definición perfecta, según quien sea que ha hecho la foto de este post, y claro, según yo. 
Ahora la frase que por lo visto define mi firma de hablar aunque no me gusta la idea de ser definida como una cursi: 
Porque todos necesitamos olvidar ciertas cosas de vez en cuando.

No ups and downs

I didn't change, I just started calculating what I afford to lose.

I was asked to say what people say about me. I have no idea. I haven't heard any rumors about me and what people do say about me are fragments really connected to their personal experience with me. 

People I work with see me as a nice person, I don't generate conflict, I make people laugh, I don't contradict in a bad manner; if i see that people understand me wrongly I try to justify myself and make them understand my point of view ending the conversation in a friendly manner; I don't go out much, I always see the same people... I got less intense and maybe more boring. I feel I don't shine anymore;

I liked it when I was sparkling, but being a diplomat is not that bad either. I just don't leave any mark on people and that kinda' makes me feel sad, I liked the fact or the idea that I made a change, or even more accurate, that because of me change happened.

They say people that don't have enemies never stand for anything; I simply hardly find anything worth fighting for. I have my own opinions and I know they can be changed over time, they can get educated ir I can learn new evidence; so why should I stand for something fiercefully against people that are at a different stage in their research and not at the same stage as I am?

They say there is something worse than having people talking shit about you, when they don't talk about you at all. 

Bear with me, lack of gossip keeps me young and free, although somehow not as wild as I thought I was.

Doblemente

...."personas mediocres cuyo objetivo es lograr el "éxito" aunque tengan que traicionarse a sí mismos y a sus principios y a las personas que aman y valoran"...

 y si ni siquiera renunciado a ti mismo y a lo que valoras y amas logras el éxito?¿ 

Sucesivamente, un searching soul


Miramos a lo grande y a lo pequeño, universo y química molecular, adn, y atomos. Existen los límites? Cuáles son los límites del recuerdo? 
Y del amor? 
Y de la amistad? 
Y del sentido comun? 
Y de lo legal? 

 Cuántas cosas que hoy son lo más normal del mundo hace no mucho eran totalmente ilegales y se castigaban hasta con la pena de muerte. 
Y qué es la vida? 
Qué es la vida de un niño que se muere en un atentado? 
O porque se cae, 
o porque ni siquiera ha llegado a nacer aún? 
Y la vida de un viejo que lo ha visto todo? 
Y de un viejo que no ha visto nada? 
Y de un triste que se la quita porque no le encuentra sentido a nada?
Y de un feliz que tiene razones para todo? 
Y de un enfermo? 
Y de un psicópata que le quita a vida a los demás? 

 Qué es la moral? 
Hay una moral absoluta? 
Cuáles son los limites de la moral? El universo o la química molecular? 

 Y Diós?
Existe?
Si existe es un Dios religioso?
Un Dios descubierto?
Conocido?
Encubierto?
Desinteresado?
Bueno?
Malo?
Muerto?

 Y yo?
Y mis hormonas? 
Si algo tan pequeño controla toda percepción y toda sensación y todo sentimiento quien soy yo? 
Y mis limites? 
Y mi vida? 
Y mi razón? 
Y mi propósito? 

 Qué es más triste, tener un propósito equivocado o estar triste porque no tienes ningún propósito?
Y si sabes que todos los propósitos son equivocados? 
Y si estás bien con no tener ningún propósito?

 Y los demás? 
Quiénes son?
Amistad, lealtad, amor?
Y el desamor?
Y el odio?
Y el olvido?
Y la indiferencia?
Y el cambio?

 Y los animales, los matamos o dejamos que nos maten? 

 Y la fe, la esperanza, la paz, la bondad, la belleza? 

 Sin o con límites, sin o con razón, sin o con, todo existe

 Existencia lleva al conocimiento o el conocimiento a plena existencia? 

 Búscate la vida!

The art of loneliness


Niciodata nu am scris mai bine ca atunci cand nu ma interesa ce scriu, ca atunci cand nu ma interesa sa urmez nici o norma sociala, ca atunci cand mi se rupea de tot. O schimbare pret de cateva luni din a fi outgoing la a fi inchisa in sine si a lasa sa iasa din cand in cand ca o zvacnire, o rascoala de sentiment spre exterior; sentimente care in sine nu neaparat sunt pozitive si estetice, dar iesind intr-o forma plina de forma, o multitudine haotica de cuvinte care surprinzator au structura gramaticala si coerenta, desi devine oarecum greu de inteles, iar interpretarea isi creaza propriile-i aripi, adica fiecare intelege ce vrea. 

Sa fie asta definitia artei? Ceva unic ce declanseaza ca fiecare observator sa inteleaga ce-l duce capul, sa fie liber. 

Cea mai buna varianta a ceea ce facem ne iese cel mai bine cand nu ne vede nimeni, nu ne citeste nimeni, nu ne asculta nimeni. Sau poate sa fie o parere subiectiva, pentru ca rusinea ne intra doar cand performam in fata unui spectator, atunci nu ne mai vedem sinceritatea cu care facem un lucru, ci ne analizam prin ochiul, auzul si analiza critica a spectatorului. 

Cateodata urasc competitia, desi stiu ca scoate ce e mai bun din noi; nu inainte de a te arunca la pamant si de a trezi la realitatea altora; de ce a altora? Pentru ca in lumea ta deja erai cea mai buna varianta a ta, acum vrei sa fii si in lumea lor...

Ai vreodata impresia ca toata lumea e un grup si ca tu esti outsiderul? Ca parca toti stiu ceva si tie nu vor sa iti zica? Si eu. 
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