Epiphany

I envy you, but I don´t wanna be you

miércoles, agosto 10, 2016 Ionela Scoarta 0 Comments


Whenever something happens and other people are witnesses to your life they have a reaction, asked for or not. And that´s OK, I, myself have my own reactions and thoughts, and I do tend to express my opinions, asked for or not. 

I am a proud person, I even heard about myself that I may look like an annoying know-it-all and that "she thinks she´s such a smart ass". Well, if they are not calling me "fat ass" or "ugly" I´m OK with that. I´ve been called worse :))

But I don´t have it all figured out. Actually these days my voice in my cute little head was the quietest of them all, and I have all these opinions and thoughts and interpretations of what other people think life is all about, love is all about, people are all about, religion is all about, family is all about, business is all about. 

See, I cannot reach any conclusions like these people have. I envy how they can be so sure of their absolute truths, my truths are so dependent on today, on my hormone levels, on the time of the month, on everything. I can be logical and tough for like one hour and a half and I can be forgiving of all mankind in the next half an hour. 

I can´t decide if I want to be a white angel or a black angel, or if I wanna be an angel, or if I believe in angels at all. And then these people -some of which I love and some of which I don´t even care about, and some of which proved being more than I ever expected from them- anyhow, these people seem to have crossed that conclusions line. They even make predictions about the future based on their absolute conclusions, and they are so sure about them that I may even buy that for a few minutes. And then their certainty fades away and I go back to my self. 

I cannot decide my final conclusions in life, not about work, nor about friendship, family, love, hatred, not even about if I wanna have kids or not some day. 

I know life is about choices, and choices, although many times I want to think that it´s not like that, most of my choices are taken based on my feelings, on my emotions, because in the end the heart sets up my brain thoughts. And decisions are so much easier when they come from the heart, not more correct, but who´s to say what´s correct or not. We can say "time will tell", but I don´t think I agree with that either. You know, there is a saying that comes from Heraclitus: "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." Today I may foresee a "time will tell" epiphany, but by when time will have told, it will mean so much less. 

Now listen to what I´m listening. I like the feeling of this song. No focus on the words although they are not bad either. 


Have a great day!

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